The name of the game – ‘Slice and Dice’

Okay, folks, a couple of weeks back, I had a most interesting weekend. And I thought I would share it with you…..

Sunday sees me wake up at the usual time…..at the crack of dawn, 12 noon to be exact. No. I tell a lie.

As I take a sip of my morning cuppa, my cell phone rings. I answer it. It is my bestie. To protect her identity let us call her ‘George Clooney’. Oops! So ‘my bestie’ she is not. No. I tell another lie.

“Hey there, Mal, I just woke up (yeah, yeah, as they say ‘birds of a feather…’) and I thought we’d go watch a movie. Something interesting, an adventure with action, you know the usual blah-blah-blah, Mal. So see you soon.”

I say, “Fine,” as I take a delicate bite of the buttered croissant, “and I’ll be ready as soon as you are, Clooney darling!”

We hang up.

As predicted, she “soon” arrives, on the dot – after two hours. *eye roll*

Driving towards the cinema, she tells me about the movie she’s selected. “Oh, you’ll deffo like this one, Mal, I read that it’s a thriller and keeps one riveted to their seat!” GC enlightens me, her eyes shining bright with excitement.

This time we are to see ‘her’ movie because last time we watched my choice. Needless to say, ’twas a really bad choice. I concluded it was: “Horrible!” whilst dear Clooney declared, very kindly (yeah, at times, she can be quite nice), “Nah, it wasn’t that bad, Mal, the cinematography was brill!”

So, after purchasing two big small bags of caramel popcorn, drinks water and nachos, we ease ourselves into the nice and comfy seats.

Lights dim, darkness reigns and the movie begins.

Movie begins, darkness reigns and the lights dim.

Yes, my dear friends, the whole movie consisted of dark, drab, very dimly lit scenes. …And raging emotions…insane violence…gore…blood…sweat and stink…guns and knives…blood and gore. Plenty of it. Please note – Plenty as in muchas and muchas. Oh, yes, and severed limbs. …do you get the picture? What?? Fainted?! *shock*

Most of the time, naturally, I keep my eyes focused on the floor. I just cannot bear to see the senseless carnage shown and cannot even stomach the blood-curdling screams that resound in the darkness, all projected from the big screen.

In addition, I observe that I am not the only one to react this way. I take a surreptitious look at GC. Her mouth is agape; eyebrows touching the lofty heavens and eyes, all teary. Her right hand, in a mid-air pose, with fingers clasping sticky popcorn bits. The left hand covers her mouth, as if stifling the scream. (Yeah, eat your heart out, Edvard Munch).

To make matters worse, the ending of the movie (methinks, it’s utterly inconclusive) is left hanging, high up in the exosphere….somewhere way,way above everyone’s heads. Bewilderment. Disbelief. What a rotten anticlimax! *grimace*

We hear the lady in front of us inform her partner, “Oh my God, if it ends here, I’ll kill myself!”

Clooney and I quickly dash out. We both cannot endure another killing.

Clooney avoids eye contact. Stern-faced and in silence, and after a quick scan of the backseat (empty, phew), we sit in the car, lock the doors firmly and drive home.

Yes, GC had wanted to watch an adventure movie – that she certainly did. And I did too. Sigh. We were totally gob-smacked by the sheer scale of the morbid imagination. Awfully disgusted we were (and, also, a wee bit depressed).

Then and there, we decided to meditate…inhale, exhale and some happy thoughts later, felt a whole lot better – and, of course, all prepared (and energised) to face our next movie adventure experience.

Name of the movie? According to moi, the title should have been ‘Slice and Dice’ because that was the name of the game so brutally and graphically shown.. Stop! *Mal, think PEACE* …Breathe.

PS. To play safe, we now both check under beds.

 

 

Maloquacious © 2014