The name of the game – ‘Slice and Dice’

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Okay, folks, a couple of weeks back, I had a most interesting weekend. And I thought I would share it with you…..

Sunday sees me wake up at the usual time…..at the crack of dawn, 12 noon to be exact. No. I tell a lie.

As I take a sip of my morning cuppa, my cell phone rings. I answer it. It is my bestie. To protect her identity let us call her ‘George Clooney’. Oops! So ‘my bestie’ she is not. No. I tell another lie.

“Hey there, Mal, I just woke up (yeah, yeah, as they say ‘birds of a feather…’) and I thought we’d go watch a movie. Something interesting, an adventure with action, you know the usual blah-blah-blah, Mal. So see you soon.”

I say, “Fine,” as I take a delicate bite of the buttered croissant, “and I’ll be ready as soon as you are, Clooney darling!”

We hang up.

As predicted, she “soon” arrives, on the dot – after two hours. *eye roll*

Driving towards the cinema, she tells me about the movie she’s selected. “Oh, you’ll deffo like this one, Mal, I read that it’s a thriller and keeps one riveted to their seat!” GC enlightens me, her eyes shining bright with excitement.

This time we are to see ‘her’ movie because last time we watched my choice. Needless to say, ’twas a really bad choice. I concluded it was: “Horrible!” whilst dear Clooney declared, very kindly (yeah, at times, she can be quite nice), “Nah, it wasn’t that bad, Mal, the cinematography was brill!”

So, after purchasing two big small bags of caramel popcorn, drinks water and nachos, we ease ourselves into the nice and comfy seats.

Lights dim, darkness reigns and the movie begins.

Movie begins, darkness reigns and the lights dim.

Yes, my dear friends, the whole movie consisted of dark, drab, very dimly lit scenes. …And raging emotions…insane violence…gore…blood…sweat and stink…guns and knives…blood and gore. Plenty of it. Please note – Plenty as in muchas and muchas. Oh, yes, and severed limbs. …do you get the picture? What?? Fainted?! *shock*

Most of the time, naturally, I keep my eyes focused on the floor. I just cannot bear to see the senseless carnage shown and cannot even stomach the blood-curdling screams that resound in the darkness, all projected from the big screen.

In addition, I observe that I am not the only one to react this way. I take a surreptitious look at GC. Her mouth is agape; eyebrows touching the lofty heavens and eyes, all teary. Her right hand, in a mid-air pose, with fingers clasping sticky popcorn bits. The left hand covers her mouth, as if stifling the scream. (Yeah, eat your heart out, Edvard Munch).

To make matters worse, the ending of the movie (methinks, it’s utterly inconclusive) is left hanging, high up in the exosphere….somewhere way,way above everyone’s heads. Bewilderment. Disbelief. What a rotten anticlimax! *grimace*

We hear the lady in front of us inform her partner, “Oh my God, if it ends here, I’ll kill myself!”

Clooney and I quickly dash out. We both cannot endure another killing.

Clooney avoids eye contact. Stern-faced and in silence, and after a quick scan of the backseat (empty, phew), we sit in the car, lock the doors firmly and drive home.

Yes, GC had wanted to watch an adventure movie – that she certainly did. And I did too. Sigh. We were totally gob-smacked by the sheer scale of the morbid imagination. Awfully disgusted we were (and, also, a wee bit depressed).

Then and there, we decided to meditate…inhale, exhale and some happy thoughts later, felt a whole lot better – and, of course, all prepared (and energised) to face our next movie adventure experience.

Name of the movie? According to moi, the title should have been ‘Slice and Dice’ because that was the name of the game so brutally and graphically shown.. Stop! *Mal, think PEACE* …Breathe.

PS. To play safe, we now both check under beds.

 

 

Maloquacious © 2014

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14 responses »

    • That’s sensible, Ronnie, sensible! Now we make certain we get reviews from others and then decide which movie to watch. I still can’t believe how anyone could think of such an idea. Perhaps the book is better… !! 🙄

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  1. Wonderful descriptions, Mal. You do have my curiosity. What flick did you see?

    I’m among about 6 people in the world who wished they’d walked out of “Pulp Fiction.” Everyone else raved about it and it got many awards. So you can’t go by that alone. 😉 I also try to avoid movies – and books – that require boxes of tissues.

    If you’re looking for a recommendation, see “Monument Men.” It’s out on DVD but so terrific. George Clooney and Matt Damon star in it. It’s a war-time thriller.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Judy, I did indeed enjoy writing about it but not the actual experience of watching the movie! If that makes any sense – Lol. I didn’t want to affect its box office hit (as if!) so that is why I refrained from naming the flick. It was called ‘Snowpiercer’. 😯
      Thanks for the recommendation. Will certainly watch ‘Monument Men’ especially since ‘my bestie’ George Clooney is in it! 😉

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  2. Oh I just can’t stand watching movies like that! I would have walked out (I’ve done it before!). 🙂 There is so much devastation in the world that needs proper attention, why would I pay to see a glorified version of it? No. If I’m going to see a movie it’s either going to make me laugh, cry, think–yes, THINK–or I just won’t watch it. Sorry you had to sit through such a bad choice–crossing my fingers that your next outing will be much more enjoyable!

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    • Yes, Melissa, never again…it was really awful, and we didn’t even think of walking out….silly us! And I am in total agreement with you, dear friend, that the world is in utter chaos and turmoil. Tolerance is the need of the day. We pray for more love, compassion and peace – may God guide us all. Amen. God bless. 🙂

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  3. I agree with Judy: wonderful descriptions, especially this: “…Her right hand, in a mid-air pose, with fingers clasping sticky popcorn bits. The left hand covers her mouth, as if stifling the scream…”

    And I liked Monument Men, too. Some violence, but a good story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gosh, thanks very much for the oh-so encouraging comment, Charles! And yes, will most definitely watch ‘Monument Men’…thanks for the thumbs up on that one. God bless.. 🙂

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  4. I hate movies like that. I don’t mind some violence (as that’s what you’re probably going to get in fantasy and sci-fi and adventure), but I don’t like graphic, gratuitous stuff or anything that makes violence seem cool, including movies where the main characters are the ones doing the graphic violence. I also had this video game once that was far more violent than I was expecting. It’s in my sell pile now. From now on, I always check out reviews for anything with a high rating, to see exactly what it’s rated for. I skipped the “Bioshock” games for that very reason.

    Very entertaining post. Shame the movie wasn’t entertaining.

    Liked by 1 person

    • To be honest, Duck, some of the video games today are far too violent, so I just stick to the good ol’ Tetris, Bejewelled, Bubbleshooter, Boggle, Scrabble, etc – betcha I sound sooo boring! Haha.. 😆

      I’m chuffed that you found my post very entertaining…muchas gracias! 🙂

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